Losing Arlene

Late in June this year (2014 incase this blog loses track of time) Kris' Mom Arlene started having some problems. It was surprising even though she is 80 years old. She eats good. She really exercises regularly at the "Y".

All of a sudden a heart problem that needs to be addressed right away.

Kris and I have both had a very busy year, especially opening a new business, so we decided to both take vacation time and just disappear for a couple days. Just a couple of days the world could turn without our help. Our kids didn't even know exactly where we were going or what we were doing.

We both love up North. Tomahawk is especially awesome for both of us. We took off, headed North and landed in Tomahawk so we could meet up with some friends. Got a room at a classic Mom & Pop joint which is something we both prefer over chains & franchises.

We had the best time of our lives with our friends, went back to our room, settled in and Kris got a text that we decided would end our trip early and send her to Racine to be with her Mom.

They decided Arlene needed By-Pass surgery.

Kris went back and spent some pre-op time with her Mom. Kris got her Mom home and the spent the evening together watching TV and having a couple cocktails and just being together. Arlene insisted if she was going to have a risky surgery she was going to have a cocktail She's partial to Brandy & Coke.

Kris takes Arlene in for surgery. Piece of cake. They've done it ton's of times.

Once they get in, the complications start.

It's worse than they thought.

They perform a quadruple by-bass over about ten hours.

She makes it through and the surgery is a success.

Happiness all around.

Then something is not right.

After a couple days she has pneumonia and other issues.

Her stomach becomes distended because she's not able to produce number 2. They do a colonoscopy which relieves the stomach distention.

Going good.

This morning the discovered her kidneys were failing.

At 80 years old, after quadruple by-pass, she can't handle anymore surgeries.

Kidney's failing requires dialysis. Which she also can't handle.

So they decide to do a partial dialysis in hopes that it will do enough to allow kidney function.

Kris leaves early from work, comes home and I tell her to go now. Her sister Susie says she doesn't need to come yet.

I tell her with complication after complication she should go. No reason to wait and every reason to go.

I had to go back to town to do some work at the shop so we left at the same time.

She was in front of me but stopped in the driveway.

I pulled up next to her, She had gotten a text update from her sister.

I stopped and rolled down my window and asked what she stopped for and she told me.

I told her when she gets there her & Susie needed to ask the doctors what they really thought. Not maybe's, but what they really thought so they could prepare to move forward.

She found out that this partial dialysis is it. If it doesn't work, her Mom is going to go.

I'm not even going to begin telling you how close this family is. For a quick view, put it this way: Arlene has been married to Don for over 50 years. They had two daughters, Susie & Kris.


They have and still do live in the same house they've shared their entire lives together.

The house Kris and Susie grew up in.

That's a close family.

I first met Arlene, Thanksgiving 2012.

I already appreciated her for her support of Kris and I in the face of some opposition.

We made Thanksgiving dinner together. She wasn't used to a guy who knew his way around the kitchen and wouldn't let her do any of the hard work. While she didn't know how to react to that she was obviously grateful and while I'm a bit shy to say it, seemed pretty impressed with my culinary skills. She had also been preparing Thanksgiving Dinner herself for who knows how many years. She even avoided her daughters help, who are both excellent cooks in the kitchen.

We did the same thing last year and she willingly turned over most of the duties to me. Making sure that she contributed a couple of the dishes.

I loved talking to her and spending time together. One weekend Kris & I stayed there so we could go to Chicago one night and the Italian Festival there the other night.

She insisted on cooking for me because she just wanted to. She has the most awesome casserole recipe that I took a picture of so Kris would have it. So she could make it for me. Often.

Ready for the salacious details of that visit?

I'll tell you any way!

Our first night there I had occasion to end up in bed with Mrs. Arlene T. Naked.

Oh yeah. It happened.

The best part is that Kris and her Dad thought it was the greatest thing ever! Well, judging by their laughter any way.

Their wonderful home has all of the bedrooms upstairs and the bathroom is... yes, down stairs.

So in the middle of the night I have to go. In a house I've never spent the night in. After taking an Ambien because I had sleeping issues at the time.

Down I went.

Up I came.

And promptly took a wrong turn into the wrong bedroom.

Climbed back into bed with the woman of my dreams who I was so happy I was sleeping with.

Give Krissy a kiss before I go back to sleep.

When I hear "oh no honey, you're in the wrong bed"

"No Baby, we're at your parent's, right bed" old Scott E says..

"No Scott, Kris is in the next room".

Huh?

Next thing I hear is the laughter of an obviously older gentleman.

That'd be Don right before he manages to pause his laughter and say "Scott! Are you trying to sleep with my wife?" More laughter.

Kris heard him laughing, woke up and hauled me back to the right bed.

When I woke up in the morning, I was first embarrassed beyond belief.

And then, after their reaction I thought, ya know, if you could have a fun experience with your girlfriends parents, couldn't ask for more funny than that.

I assure you that's a true story.

Don took us to breakfast the next morning and he & I have had a running joke about me sleeping with his wife ever since.

I last saw Arlene at Easter.

She did most of the work. Susie helped. I did nothing but show up.

we talked. I hugged her a couple time went I went in the kitchen.

I had the strangest feeling I wouldn't see her again.

I tried to ignore it.

When it was time to go I gave her a hug and tried to wipe the earlier thought from my mind.

No way I could know something like that.

Well, I haven't seen her and the next time could be to say goodbye.

It breaks my heart.

It breaks my heart knowing how this will hurt her daughters. Including my Krissy.

I lost my Mom when she was very young. It was sudden and I didn't have to watch her go.

Kris and Sue may be watching that.

They've been preparing for years for something to happen with their Dad.

They are as prepared as you can be for something to happen with Don.

They never had a thought about losing their Mom, Arlene, first.

And it could be happening. We're all holding on to that last hope, but we know it's the last hope.

Tomorrow morning I have to get up early so that when Kris' daughter Ashley wakes up, I can tell her she may lose her Nana and she has to be ready for me to tell her it's time to go.

I asked Kris if that becomes the case to let me know and hold the life support until I can get Ashley there.

That was a hard thing to do.

I'm not giving up hope.

But if hope runs out, I want this family that I love & respect, to be together.

Rockwell could not have painted a greater family.

Talking to Ashley in the morning is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done so far

I hope this last hope works.

I hope that Arlene and I help each other with Thanksgiving dinner a zillion more times, and that we laugh over the night we "slept together" many more times.

If not, I will always remember that she gave me the greatest gift I have ever received from another human being.

Before she went in for her by-pass surgery, she told Kris to be sure to tell me she loved me.

My heart jumped

A very smart and realistic woman knew what she was facing and made sure that if she didn't make it I knew that she loved me.

Kris tells me she never said that about anybody she had ever been with.

That is an honor I can't describe.

Losing Arlene is something I don't want to do.

Just incase: I love you too.

**UPDATE**: On Sunday July 20th, 2014 Kris called and told me to be prepared to get the kids together and go down to Racine to say goodbye.

There was one more procedure they were going to try at about 2:00PM. It would be very risky, but it was the only option they had left to save her.

That procedure was successful.

She started to turn for the better almost immediately.

On Monday she opened her eyes and responded to Kris asking her if she should freeze the beans from Arlene's bean garden. The answer was no.

Tuesday they took her off dialysis and she created urine all on her own.

They've removed a couple other pieces of machinery and while she's not out of the woods yet, she keeps getting better. Spending more time with her eyes open. Signaling with her feet when asked questions.

What the future holds we still don't know, but right now it looks pretty good.

That is a miracle and a lot of prayers answered.